LUV is out to get me
by Kelly Thompson
Summary: Hell is Better than Home form Zigzag's point of view. More humorous. Read HBH before you read this. R&R honestly!


**L.U.V IS OUT TO GET ME!!!**

**PART ONE**

"Man it must be like two hundred degrees out here." Moaned Magnet looking over at Ricky now fiddling with his large worn gloves.

He looked over at Magnet, and then turned his direction to the sun. He could feel its rays beating down on them. He lifted his hand to his forehead, wiping away the sweat.

"Where is a cloud when you need one?" he said, picking up his wooden shovel once again, and began his shoveling.

"Gone with Dustyface probably." Said Squid looking over at him from above a large pile of sand.

As Ricky shoveled, he remembered their old room mate, a guy named Daniel, who they nicknamed Dustyface, for he always got the most dirt on his face than anyone in camp. Fortunately for Dustyface he had been released due to being falsely accused despite the fact that he had told them that he had committed the crime.

I just shows that when you have a good lawyer you can get away with anything. Ricky smiled to himself at the thought of committing a crime and not getting in any trouble at all.

Maybe if he had a good lawyer the Mafia wouldn't be after him. Or the CIA. Of the FBI.

No. Paranoia.

Or so they say…

Ricky wiped some sweat from his forehead with his arm.

"Hey, Zig!" X-ray called to Ricky. "You a'most done with your hole?" X-ray was climbing out of his hole, the first to finish.

Ricky measured his hole with his shovel. Couple more inches deep and he was set. "Yeah, almost done!" he yelled back. He shut off his imagination and concentrated on digging. In a matter on minutes Ricky was jumping out of his hole also. X-ray had waited around for him. No point in being at camp all alone. Squid and Armpit were finishing up at the same time as Ricky, so the four walked back to the camp together. As they were walking they saw a bus in the far distance.

"New arrival," commented X-ray. "Either be in C or D tent. Only two with openings."

The boys were still a ways away from camp when they saw the bus suddenly stop.

"Wonder what happened?" Squid said.

"Broke down, probably," Armpit replied. The boys watched as three figures stepped off the bus.

"Three?" Armpit said quietly, counting on his fingers. "Driver, newbie… What?"

"I dunno, man…" X-ray said.

"Man, whatever," Armpit said. The guys agreed and just started walking

As the boys neared the camp, Squid suddenly stopped in his tracks, fiddling with his pocket.

"Man, I forgot my shower tokens back at the holes." He groaned, "I'll meet y'all back at the tent." He said running off back in the other direction.

Ricky watched him go, as the remaining boys began walking back to the tent. He could now see the three people getting closer to the camp. He wondered which of them would be their new roomie. Which got him wondering what the two new boys were here for?

He soon came to the conclusion that one of them had to of committed murder.

The boys reached the tent, Ricky ran in to retrieve his other orange jumpsuit. As Ricky stepped out into the sun, he could see that the three people were now entering Mr. Sir's office, just as Squid ran over to them, completely out of breath.

"I'll meet yaw guys in the shower." He said walking into the tent. Ricky shrugged and went over to where the showers were.

The boys stepped into the showers; Ricky found a shower spigot on the opposite end of the door, where he undressed to his boxers.

The water came out ice cold. Ricky sighed in relief, after being in the hot sun all day, and ice cold shower felt pretty good.

He turned his head back and forth, messaging his hair, until he noticed someone new approaching the showers

Ricky knew this person was new, from not only the lack of orange jumpsuit, but also for the fact that this new person had long brown hair, like a girl.

The person approached, looked up at the showering boys and simply stripped down to nothing but bra and underwear. At this point in time, Ricky knew this new person was defiantly a girl.

She walked right up to the shower spigot parallel to his, looked around, and shouted, "WHAT?! YOU NEVER SEEN A GIRL BEFORE?"

"Not like… this." Said Magnet looking at her with such astonishment, it was, in a way, humorous.

"Well… get used to it. I'm gonna be here for a while. Now… LEAVE!" she shouted.

Ricky fumbled with his jumpsuit as her jogged back to the tent.

"I could get used to HER." Said X-ray looking back at her showering.

"What is she doin' here?" Ricky asked looking over also.

"Don't know, maybe she's the warden's daughter or something." Said Barfbag.

"Does the warden even have a daughter?" Armpit asked, laughing.

They boys all laughed and walked into the tent, to discover a satisfied looking Squid.

"Man did you see…." Magnet began, until the girl from the showers walked in, turning toward Dirtface's old bed.

She bent over and began to fiddle around with something on the bed.

"Who's that?" asked Ricky watching her intently.

"She's the newbie." Said Squid.

"What's her name?" asked Armpit, walking over to where Squid was standing.

"Francesca." Said the girl turning around to face them. "My name is Francesca."

"Frankes… Farce…" said Ricky, attempting to pronounce then name, finding it very difficult.

"Hey Chick, this here's Zigzag." Said Squid, motioning to Ricky.

X-ay nodded at hearing the girl's nickname. "Chick, yeah, I like it. I'm X-ray. And over there, that's Armpit, and him, he's Magnet," X-ray gestured towards each of the boys as he introduced them. "Oh, and that's Barfbag."

Chick said 'Hi' to each of the boys, but looked a little confused. But then she turned around and started to brush her hair.

She had nice hair.

As she pulled her nice hair into a ponytail she turned around and said, "So, what's for dinner?"

Ricky smiled a little to himself. He knew very well what was for dinner. String beans, refried beans, garbanzo beans, black beans, and banana jello. Yum.

Ricky quickly filled his plate with beans and jello and took his seat at the D-tent table. But no sooner had he sat down then Squid pushed him over to make room for Chick. Ricky was alright with that, though. He didn't mind sitting next to Chick. Not at all.

Soon the thought of what Chick had done entered Ricky's mind. Before he could stop himself he blurted out, "Hey, Chick. You ever kill anyone?"

"No…" said Chick looking up at him.

"No, she ain't never killed no'one Zig…why are you here?" Squid asked.

"I…I… stole a necklace." She said looking down at her plate.

Ricky let out a laugh. "You stole a necklace so they sent you to a BOY'S camp!?" X-ray said laughing himself.

"Well there are other things."

"What? What?" the boys, including Ricky, asked.

"Well, before the necklace I've nicked shoes, perfume, and a DVD player. I dunno why, I just can't resist nice things. Things I can't afford. But up until this I just got a warning or community service. Then I stole the diamond necklace- almost $500. And I got busted. I crossed the line, I guess. So they sent me to jail. But the bodyguard put me on the wrong bus. They were gonna take me back, but the bus broke down. So I'm stuck here."

She wrapped up her final words with a shrug of the shoulders. All Ricky could do was stair. There was an awkward silence among the table.

"That's… awkward." Said Squid, breaking the silence.

Ricky finished his dinner silently, ever now and then looking over at Chick who had gotten near to nothing for dinner.

When dinner was finished, they boys and the Chick walked back to the tent together.

The moment they arrived, Chick threw herself on her bed; she looked so nice, just lying there, thought Ricky. He had never gotten this close to a girl before, all the others had always been sort of fearful of him. What with his goofy hair, and paranoia.

As Ricky was staring at Chick, Mom walked in the door.

"Alright boys… and girl. In a circle, if you please." He said as they all shuffled into a circle.

They meeting that night consisted of nothing too important, just the same old crap. This meeting went on for only half an hour until finally mom excused them.

Ricky walked to his bed, half awake and half asleep. The meetings always made him tired. He looked over at Chick who was now asleep on her bed.

It took Ricky only ten minutes to fall asleep that night, it would have only taken him five, but he watched Chick sleep for the first five.

The next morning, Ricky woke up immediately to the sound of the wake up calls. He quickly dressed, then went outside into the cool morning air. AT this time the temperature was perfect.

"Hey man look at Chick." Said Magnet walking up to him.

Ricky looked over to see her staggering to keep awake. Ever once in a while she would rub her eyes in an act of sleepiness.

They all walked over to the Library to get there shovels, and then they were off.

When they arrived at the spot where they would be digging their holes, Ricky picked a spot right near where Chick would dig.

He looked over to see Squid advancing on her.

Squid placed his hand on her shoulder and said something so quietly, that Ricky could hear. She looked over at him and smiled.

"Squid stop flirtin' with and get to digging." Said Mr. Sir, splitting apart the two adolescents.

Ricky looked over at Chick who lifted her shovel, placed it firmly on the ground, and jumped.

Ricky groaned, he had seen this move several times by newbies, he watched as Chick fell flat on her face as a result.

"ooo." Said the boys in unison including Ricky. It looked like it hurt.

Chick stood up, rubbing her nose.

"Man chick that was one hard fall." Said Magnet from behind him.

"Yeah, you ok?" Asked Squid moving toward her.

"Yeah I guess, my nose just hurts, that's all." She said continuing to rube her nose.

Ricky looked and started digging his hole. They all dug in silence for hours, but Ricky noticed how it took every one a little longer because they kept stopping to watch Chick. Ricky almost felt sorry for her, being the only girl there. He also felt sorry hat she was such a slow digger. By the time he finished she was only a third of the way done. So he felt really bad walking by her to go back to camp, but he realized with dismay that Squid had finished long ago and was now helping Chick dig her hole.

Ricky sighed and walked. He wanted so bad to be there with her, not to be leaving her alone with Squid.

Suddenly, Ricky felt very sure that Squid was not one who could be trusted.

Bet he's a spy…

Silly thoughts.

Rick got back to camp, weary and hot. He took a shower and went to rest in his tent. The sun was setting and Ricky realized that Squid and Chick were still not back. Slightly worried he went to the opening in his canvas tent and peered outside.

No, there they were. A whiles away, but coming

When they were just a little closer the dinner bell rang. Ricky hesitated before meandering over to the mess hall for beans. He was in line when Chick and Squid walked in. nobody seemed to notice or care, except Ricky. He didn't show it but he was very happy to see Chick again.

She looked great when she was tired.

Suddenly Ricky realized that he wasn't breathing. How do you breathe, again?

Inhale… Exhale.

Very nice.

Ricky went to his table and sat down, making sure to leave room for Chick. As he waited for her to come, he thought to himself, 'am I in love with Chick?'

Ricky had only been in love once before and that was to his pet hamster, Petunia. She was the most prettiest hamster in the whole wide world, or so he had told her many times.

On a couple of occasions she had answered him back. Ricky later found out that that was just the voice of his mother's soap opera in the other room.

Who knew that Nurse Jennifer from Days of our lifes sounded just like Ricky had imagined Petunia would?

Now reminded of Petunia Ricky slowly drifted off into his other world, only to be awakening by his banana jello, as he came face to face with it.

Ricky came up just in time to see Chick and Squid leave the mess hall. 'Was I really out that long', Ricky thought to himself, training to remember why he had drifted off in the first place.

"Petunia." Ricky said softly, as he picked up his jello and tried to kiss it. It fell apart in his hands.

"Petunia?!"

. He looked up to discover everyone at the table starring at him as though he were crazy.

'I'm not crazy' thought Ricky to himself as he went into another Petunia phase.

He stayed more or less in this phase all night until he fell asleep, and even then he had dreams of pretty hamsters and soap.

But his beautiful dreams were interrupted by a pressure on his stomach.

Oh, man. The Mafia caught up!

No, wait.

Just Chick.

So it is paranoia… darnit.

But Chick is a far cry better than the Mafia.

For a while Ricky had no idea how to react. But then chick finally looked at him his reaction was natural.

Smile.

He smiled at her.

Wink.

He winked at her

"Hey…"

Smooth as butter.

Or so he thought. But instead of smiling back and kissing him, like he had imagined, Chick just moaned and went back to her bed as Mr. Sir was saying something about 'No more scares,"

Hey, the Mafia was a pretty scary thing.

The next day Ricky worked up enough courage to stay behind with Chick and, unfortunately, Squid. Somehow it wasn't quite as fun as Ricky had envisioned.

He kept trying to talk to Chick, but she just ignored him and only laughed at Squid's jokes.

It was alright, though. She just didn't know how to act around the one she truly loved.

Right?

In any case, Ricky felt out of place. So he decided that maybe it would be best if he didn't stick around for a while. Just ease into it. Yeah…

So for a few weeks nothing really happened. Once in a while Ricky would stick around, but Chick was getting to be a faster digger each day.

But Chick and Squid were getting closer and closer, and Ricky didn't like that.

He needed to save her!

So one day Ricky approached X-ray.

"Hey, X. Man, I don't like how much Squid is letting himself get undone by Chick. He's really been distant lately because of her, haven't you noticed?"

X-ray had noticed and planned for there to be an intervention the next morning.

Perfect.

The next morning as Squid and Chick were leaving the mess hall X-ray called for Squid to come over. Chick looked rather dejected, Ricky noticed.

When Squid got there X-ray started the lecture.

You shouldn't lose yourself over her… bladdy-bladdy-blah.

Ricky acted like he was involved in the conversation. But really he was looking at Chick. She looked so sad.

She looked good when she was sad.

She looked really good when she was sad.

"Don't you agree Zig?" came a voice from no where.

Oh god not the Mafia again, Ricky thought to himself. But wait, no, it was just X-ray.

"Yeah." Said Ricky, slowly coming back to reality.

"I get it." Said Squid looking agitated.

He walked off without saying another word to any of them.

My task is complete, thought Ricky manically; look over gleefully as Squid ignored Chick as he passed by her.

'Now she will be so devastated that she will run to me for comfort.' He thought to himself as he set off to retrieve his shovel.

That day of shoveling was just as boring and hard as the rest were. Until the end when Squid finished his hole and left, with out even saying goodbye. However, when Ricky too had finished his hole, he walked back to the tent without waiting for her to finish, assuming that she would need some space before he made his first move.

That night, dinner was the same with an exception of a lack of Chick at the table.

During the whole of the dinner, Squid continually glanced around the room.

"Hey Man she's not coming." Said Magnet.

"No she has to eat, she'll come." He responded.

"Na she doesn't eat, you know. She's life anorexic or something." Said Ricky, proud at the way he used a big word.

"No! Don't say that about her, got it Zig." Growled Squid, getting up. "I'm not hungry anymore; I'll see you guys in the tent." And with that he was gone.

Ricky could not believe it, Squid had yelled at him about a girl. Even if it was Chick. Ricky got up from the table the way Squid had, and walked out of the mess hall. As he walked, he noticed there was a slight patter of footsteps, as though someone were running.

When Ricky reached d-tent there was no one there. Squid must have one to the bathroom. Ricky lay down on his bed and, before he knew it, he fell asleep. He slept until chatter from his tent mates woke him.

"Francesca! Wake up!"

"Is she okay?"

Who's Francesca?

Oh, yeah. Chick.

Chick?!

Ricky pulled himself out of bed. What was wrong with Chick?

He went over to Chick's bed just in time to she Squid kissing her.

He almost cried just watching that.

But she was still unconscious!

Oh-no.

Everyone was talking at the same time and everything seemed all too hectic when, suddenly, Chick coughed.

Ricky had never been so happy to hear a cough in his whole life!

Ricky was now almost delirious from joy! She was awake! He was so happy that he managed to miss an entire conversation, or argument, and –just as quick as she had awoke- Chick was storming out of the tent.

Squid started after her, but X-ray caught his arm. "Don't lose yourself, man." He warned.

Squid considered the warning. He sat down, thoughts churning in his head. Finally, after a few minutes he stood back up and said. "I'd rather not lose her." And stormed off after her.

Then, worry wiped from his mind, Ricky slept.

He slept until the morning call woke him…

Or, that is, the call from X–ray in the morning. He was saying, "Zig! Zigzag! Wake up man! You gotta see this!"

He pulled Ricky out of bed and mage him put on his orange suit. Then he led Ricky outside and to the edge of camp where a crown had formed. Everyone was murmuring quietly around this apparently fascinating sight.

Squid and Chick were sleeping together.

Ricky went numb.

He had done his best to make sure that chick would hate Squid and he still ended up seeping with her.

What kind of a cruel trick was the mafia playing on him now?

END OF PART ONE

**L.U.V IS OUT TO GET ME!!!**

**PART TWO**

During the next two weeks following the incident with Squid and Chick, Ricky gave up all hope of getting Chick to ditch Squid. He would, however, still watch her as she dug her holes, dispite the fact that she was not his.

'If only the Mafia was not after me, I could totally get Squid.' Thought Ricky, but unfortunately they would get him if he tried anything to risky. For now he just laid low.

Then one morning as Ricky sat in his bed, rubbing his eyes in sleepiness. Mom walked into the tent turning to Chick.

Now at this moment Ricky was much too sleepy to hear anything but he got some words from the conversation such as 'good', 'the', 'warden', and 'sees you'.

'I knew it!' thought Squid, 'She does have the place bugged.'

Since Ricky had arrived at camp green lake, he had sensed that there was someone watching him. After about a month he had come to the conclusion that the warden had secret cameras and microphones everywhere around the camp; in the tents, the mess hall, and the showers.

Coming back to reality, Ricky looked up to see Chick leaving the tent.

'Wait for me!' he thought, as he attempted to stand, got tangled in his bed sheets, and feel on the floor.

That morning as Ricky walked to the place where the boys would be digging their holes, he thought of how easy it would be to just simply push Squid into one of the many holes around camp. Maybe even one with one of the yellow spotted lizards. That would be perfect.

He was so wrapped up in thoughts of disposing of Squid that it took Ricky a good five minutes before he realized that Chick wasn't there.

"Hey, where's Chick?" He asked.

"I dunno," Squid said, looking around as if she'd just walk up.

But she didn't. And Squid seemed to be worried about her, so he dug faster than he'd ever dug before. He finished a good twenty minutes before all the other boys and left, walking rather fast.

That was a catalyst for everyone else to dig faster. All the boys were finished at the same time and walked back to the tent together.

When they got there Squid and Chick were in a close hug, tears running down both of their cheeks, a move not character of Squid.

That meant that something had to be terribly wrong.

The two of them broke apart and Chick sat on her bed, still crying. All the guys gathered around her, asking what was wrong.

"They got a new bus. A new bus is comin' tomorrow. They're sendin' me away, guys. I won't see you again!" A fresh wave of tears bust forth. Ricky almost started crying himself. But kept his manliness.

For the rest of the night the boys seemed to have a sad mood.

The next morning the bus arrived right as the camp prepared to depart for digging. Chick stood apart from the rest of the group, except for Squid. As the rest of the group departed, Squid walked right up to Chick and…. 'He kissed her!!! I can't believe he just kissed her!!!' Ricky screamed in his mind. Sure enough, Squid had taken his toothpick out and kissed Chick on the cheek for a split second.

Ricky stood there gapping as Squid turned away and began walking to where Ricky was standing. He grabbed Ricky's arm and began pulling him away to the Dig site. Ricky continued to gap as Squid dragged him across the dessert.

"Man will you stop starring already!" Said Squid once they were out of sight of Chick.

Ricky looked away, secretly hating Squid for kissing his future wife.

Squid let go of his arm and walked the rest of the way in complete silence. His hands buried deep in his jumpsuit pockets.

Ricky watched him go in surprise.

'We have pockets in our jumpsuits.' He thought reaching his hands to where pockets where on other clothes. 'Man I never knew we had pockets! Awesome.' He thought as he walked the rest of the way to the dig site, placing his own hands into his newly found pockets.

For the following weeks so much happened. Barfbag got bit by a rattlesnake. Two new guys came, Zero and Caveman. The camp shut down.

But whatever.


End file.
